She’s got a little bit of money and a little bit of this and it’s all she needs to live. She’s got a little bit of love and a little bit of that and it’s all she has to give.

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She doesn’t know how to say no. She doesn’t know how to push people away, her arms turn to jell-o when she tries. Her heart is prepared for all of the love it can hold until it explodes, and sometimes, her heart feels like it might explode. Her heart is most full when she is standing in front of forty teenagers exploring the magical places that literature exposes. The only thing she’s missing is someone to come home to, someone to share this life she has created with. She has everything else she needs and wants. She doesn’t have money or much free time, but she doesn’t need either. She jumps at the opportunity for an adventure, as crazy as it may be. She would much rather be outdoors, in the middle of the woods, with nothing but a backpack. At the same time, she is completely content curled up on the couch with a good book or watching a good movie. She found her heart in Oregon, but a little piece will always remain in California.

She doesn’t like to argue, she would rather let it all roll off of her back and go with the flow of those around her. She laughs at everything, even when it’s not the appropriate time. To her, nothing is “TMI” and those around her seem to realize that quickly. She has a guilty pleasure for celebrity gossip and reality television; maybe because that’s her escape. She always loses the game “never have I ever…” because there’s nothing she won’t try.

She has a love for the young, the old, and animals of all kinds, but everyone else often falls by the wayside. She can’t sing, can’t read music, but she tries anyway. She can memorize a song after listening to it twice, and knows the lyrics to every song on the radio or every song on any given iPod. She has a horrible sense of direction but loves to drive. She’s happiest when she’s alone, but can’t be alone forever. She believes that no one truly knows who she is, but she’s willing to give someone the chance to.

She’s learning that she’s not as “Type A” as she once was, but anxiety still hits her hard every once in a while. She talks to herself, she smiles at everyone she sees, she talks to strangers, and doesn’t understand why people are rude for no reason.

She has a love for red wine, dark beer, and black coffee. She tries really hard to like tea because she thinks it’s cool when people drink it, but she can’t unless it’s extra sweet. She doesn’t like dessert and wonders if people judge her for that. She lives off of yoga and running, and without one or the other, she would probably go insane.

She’s never identified with religion, but is spiritual. She finds God within herself, in the trees, in the sun, and in the sky. She loves learning about religion but can never see herself committing to one.

She’s perfectly imperfect and comfortable in her own skin during most hours of the day. Her emotions can be a rollercoaster at times, but she wouldn’t have it any other way because straight, flat roads are boring.

“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” -Abraham Lincoln

“I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.” -Martha Washington

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Quotes about “happiness” and whatnot can never do how I feel justice, but it’s close as it’s gonna get. I have never truly realized the concept of creating my own happiness until now. Very few know the things I have been going through and the things I am faced with because I am good at holding it all in, but somehow, I manage to keep plugging along. The human body is relentless. This is definitely the hardest thing I have ever gone through, but I know that once it’s all behind me, I will be stronger than ever. I always used to roll my eyes when people would say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” but now I can finally see how this may be true. I’ll believe it when I see it, but it seems like a truer saying now more than ever. I won’t air my dirty laundry to the world, but those of you that know what’s going on will understand what I mean. I couldn’t do any of it without the love and support of my amazing friends and family, (as per usual).

For the first time ever, I live alone. I love it, but it’s really testing my fearlessness. I used to think I wasn’t afraid of ANYTHING. This is still mostly true, but this house is testing that. I live in the ghetto, for lack of a better word. I have already had a few scary instances and close calls, but all I can say is thank goodness for my pepper spray and my yappy dog. I miss Ashland SO much. Medford is definitely a whole new world despite being right down the interstate. But like everything else, I will be just fine and will use my lack of fear and my strong instincts to my advantage.

As I mentioned, I LOVE living by myself. I have a little yard to take care of, everything is mine, and I can sing at the top of my lungs and walk around naked. What could get better than that?! I have decided I will never live with a roommate again until I am living with the person I am going to marry. Life is just so much better when I can be free and do what I want.

I have spent the summer working (still at the Housing Office at SOU), nannying for two amazing families, reading (finally started the Harry PotterĀ series for the first time), writing, running, and watching my pup grow while attempting to train him. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m not taking summer classes, I don’t have textbooks to order, and I don’t have homework to worry about. It feels good, but at the same time, I feel like there’s something I should be doing. I know I’ll get used to it and that’s one beauty of teaching: I’ll always be in school!

Lastly, I don’t usually speak of myself like this but I’m going to right now. I’m a catch. Yeah, I said it. I love myself and I know that someday, I will make a wonderful wife. I have so much love in my heart and if I do-say-so-myself, I am pretty darn easy to get along with. Okay, I’m done. You’ll probably never hear me talk like that again, but I just had to say it because I’m realizing it now more than ever as I watch others around me.

I hope this post finds you well, and I hope you find your happiness while I am maintaining mine. Until next time, love and light.